It has become predictable. Anytime I casually mention that I am in a polyandry marriage. (meaning I am married to more than one man.) The instant response from other women is “Oh wow! More power to you! I can’t even handle the ONE husband I have! He drives me crazy enough as it is!”
Do my husbands have moments I want to bonk their noggins together like the Three Stooges? Sure. Just like I have moments I am over-tired CrankyPants McGee and THEY have to tolerate MY crazy.
But the thing is, I lucked out. In a fish full of mediocre fish I scored not one, but TWO super rad fish. Like, cool rainbow sparkle shark fish. (okay, that’s not a thing, but still, you get it.) If it’s bedtime and the younger kids are getting all “lemme crawl up your ass and whine non stop” at the exact same time the 8 and 10 year old are all “LETS GET READY TO RUUUMMMMBBBLLLLE!!!”, I can continue making tea for our reading time totally uninterrupted while one hubby calms Tiny Randy Savage and Tiny Hulk Hogan and the OTHER hubby can distract whiny punkarellis with crayons and a Hello Kitty coloring book. Or if I didn’t sleep for shit last night, one hubby will get up and run to the store to grab a quick and easy breakfast while the other makes my Plexus pink drink and I can just lounge in bed and be a lazy bum til that drink kicks in. If the older boys are struggling to understand something with their school work that I myself don’t consider a strength of mine I have two other intelligent adults to help me teach them. Today, Fathers Day, I cleaned the entire RV by myself (dishes, sweep, tidied up toys) plus folded and put away the laundry while Justin was at work and Andrew took all 7 kids swimming. It’s a team effort.
Sometimes we don’t agree. But the beauty is, we are all capable of sitting and talking like adults and listening to each other to come to a respectful middle ground. I have so many friends who parent as I do, with a strong belief system in gentle parenting and this fact causes SO much friction in their home because their spouse does not agree. I am incredibly lucky that despite the fact neither of my husbands were themselves raised with gentle parenting, they both try so hard to apply the concepts. They will come to me when they are uncertain how to handle a problem, instead of disregarding how I feel. They both support breast feeding, bed sharing, cloth diapering, baby wearing and they both share the benefits of these things with other dads often.
Sometimes an ignorant fool will make some comment about how my children are being raised in such a horrible way. I am assuming they think there are crazy 3-somes or something going on constantly. I don’t know. But just like a monogamous marriage, I can assure you that our sex life is kept private behind closed doors and is only ever between myself and one man at a time. This isn’t some weird cheap porno. This is 3 adults who all love the children and two of whom both love the same woman and understand that it doesn’t take anything from their won relationship or self to allow that woman the freedom to love and still be fulfilled by each individually. What our children are seeing is mature conflict resolution. They see teamwork. They see parents who support each other. They see how adults can apologize when wrong and own their shit. They see kissing and teasing and flirting and playing and laughter and encouragement and LOVE.
So, no, I am not some brave yet possibly crazy person who just enjoys tormenting herself by living with two idiots.
I am incredibly blessed to share this parenting journey with two groovy dudes who hustle every single day to earn the title of DAD.
Shout out to Justin Beard and Andrew Rich for kicking ass at this Fatherhood Gig.
p.s. If I trip over your work boots one more time, Imma bonk your heads together like the Three Stooges.